The second trimester

14 weeks 1 day! 25 weeks 6 days to go! Little Rummel is about the size of a navel orange...roughly 2-3 ounces...4.5 inches.

When I type these stats out, there is definitely one side of me that dreads the thought of having to wait out 25 1/2 more weeks. However, there is another side of me, the side I'm pretty excited about...that is really happy that I have that much further to go. Wow...you might be thinking..."Finally Blaire, some mature thinking!" Ha ha. I have come to realize over the past week or so that I am involved in a magnifiscent journey that God has allowed me to partake in. I absolutely feel him molding and shaping me into someone completely different than I once was. And you know what? That makes me so dang happy and excited. Sure, I have a long ways to go. But God is rewarding me with some patience as I can now feel and see Him working on me.

As I have started this blog, I have had some doubts about continuing. Some of you have made some obvious comments on my "nuttiness" since reading these blogs. Some friends don't understand why I freak out so much and am experiencing so much fear. And I have to admit, that has swayed me a bit. Being such a people pleaser and scared to show people the realness of me for fear of rejection, I have had serious doubts about being so open as I experience pregnancy. But if I were to give in to these doubts, I'd be following down the path that I once was on. And to be honest...I'm sick of walking down that path. So I choose to continue blogging. Sharing my "crap", my fears, my doubts, my failures, and hopefully some of my joys. I don't want to be scared anymore of possible judgment, of things that might not lead to absolute success, etc. I'm going to push forward and record what is happening to me the best way I know how. It feels somewhat freeing and exciting to reveal so much about what I am going through. And I just can't keep hidden how God really does answer prayer.

Back to pregnancy...I'm definitely feeling a bit more hopeful that some of the miscarriage threat is gone as I am finishing off 4 months in the next few weeks. Don't get me wrong, it is still there, and recently just appeared full force in a nightmare last night. But I don't feel as alone as I am asking God for more help. I promise you He really is there. He really is walking alongside us all the time.

My belly is now looking a bit softer and rounder. A lot of my friends have called this the worst stage for the belly, because it resembles more of a "beer belly" or pudginess, rather than a cute basketball. I'm also having a lot of fun, (not really), finding clothes that disguise what's going on behind my belly button ;-). The nausea is pretty much gone! Thank God! And the tiredness...well that is probably not going to go away. And last but not least...the hormones/emotional rollercoasters are a bit much. Poor Beau!

And while I love experiencing these physical changes, I'm finding the most enjoyment out of what I'm learning and going through. God has really blessed me with some awesome friends, a small group that is full of young moms, and a new found quietness to help me listen to what He wants for my life.

I'll end on this last point here. A new found quietness. I have never truly experienced the present, a slowness in everyday life, where I sit back and just listen and be. It is a new sensation, a new speed, and a whole new way of living. And while I'm no pro at this type of meditative state, I'm liking the practice that is involved and I love what it is doing. Overall, I'm just feeling grateful tonight and hope that you are experiencing all that God can do for your life...no matter what stage you are in. It is truly rad!