So remember about 3-4 months ago when I was whining about not really having a "true" pregnancy belly. I was complaining because I was hoping for this basketball belly that looked cute and perfectly round poking through my pregnancy tops. At the time I found it frustrating to have this soft "pudge" that was occurring because it wasn't really showing that I was pregnant; it was more so showing that I was drinking too much beer or simply eating too much chocolate. Well crap! I now have got what I asked for.
As I enter my 37th week, I have achieved the basketball belly status. However this basketball feels oversized and is slowly approaching watermelon craziness. Not only is it obvious that I'm pregnant, about everyone and their mother seems to comment on how pregnant I look. Just a few days ago, a woman working the gates at the NCAA basketball championship tournament told me that there is special parking for women who are "12 months pregnant." She said this with so much pleasure and was obviously impressed with her humor. Ha! Well I wasn't laughing. Then the dressing room lady at Target last night asked me when I'm due because she felt like I was about to go into labor based on the beautiful waddle I was sporting.
Not only do you get unwanted comments and stares from everyone around you at this stage in pregnancy, you also have a hell of a time trying to...um you know...do any movement that requires you to bend at the waist. Holy crap! Tying my shoes feels like I'm trying to do the splits. Any why is it that I seem to drop everything now that it is almost impossible to bend over enough to pick it up off the floor? I also am finding now when I'm eating, I have to drop my belly between my legs so I can move forward enough to reach my food. Wow!
Now my fear is that I sound ungrateful and hormonal. Ungrateful no...hormonal yes. I know this is all part of the process and I'd carry Mt. Everest of bellies to make sure little Bella is growing the way she needs to be. But I do admit, I can't wait to get my flat stomach back if it is possible, be able to pick stuff up off the floor, and gracefully tie my shoes without ripping a hamstring. Just a few more weeks...
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Bed rest restlessness
So God tends to send messages. I believe He chooses to whisper, nudge, scream and even knock us on our butt...it all depends on our level of stubbornness. Well being that I'm obstinate as a mule, and couldn't quite understand the concept of taking it easy, God finally needed to get my attention a week ago.
For the past two months I have been going in twice a week for non-stress tests to make sure my amniotic fluids are where they need to be. And while these tests are a pain in my pregnant ass, they are painless and do allow me to see Bella a lot. Everything usually goes smoothly, but last week's test showed extremely intense contractions that the nurses believed were labor contractions. When the nurses told me what might be happening, I immediately freaked out...no big surprise right?
I got on the phone and called Beau in tears. Of course he was on his way to Big Bear to fish the day away. I tried to act strong and begged him not to come home; I didn't want to take him away from such a special day. But being the great husband he is, he immediately turned around and was at our house within the next hour. As we both waited around to see what the day was going to turn into, my contractions didn't let up and eventually were happening every 11-12 minutes. This was pretty alarming for me because I usually didn't have such intense or frequently occurring contractions.
We eventually were asked to come in and see the doctor so he could check my cervix. While my cervix wasn't found to be dilated, he sure wasn't happy with the work I was taking on and the commute I was making to my Newport Beach office. He looked at Beau and me asking if I could stop working, and Beau ecstatically replied "YES"!!! While I wasn't as excited as my husband, I knew it was time to start acting pregnant.
So that is what I'm doing right now. Acting pregnant. Feet are up most of the day, trying to keep little Bella in for what the doctor is hoping...at least 1 1/2 more weeks. I also haven't worked out in 9 days...I think the last time I skipped a week of workouts was when I was in junior high.
Am I good at this bed rest thing? Heck NO! I even cheated the past two days and went into work...SHHH...don't tell my doctor. But all in all, I think I'm doing a good job of obeying the doctor's orders when you compare it to the pace I was traveling at earlier this month. It's truly not about me anymore...and I know it hasn't been about me for the past 9 months. I got to listen, and most importantly...I need to stop moving so little Bella can cook a bit longer. Bare with me ya'll...due to this new pace called bed rest....I might blog a bit more and I might sound a bit more crazy than I usually do. Not quite used to sitting.
For the past two months I have been going in twice a week for non-stress tests to make sure my amniotic fluids are where they need to be. And while these tests are a pain in my pregnant ass, they are painless and do allow me to see Bella a lot. Everything usually goes smoothly, but last week's test showed extremely intense contractions that the nurses believed were labor contractions. When the nurses told me what might be happening, I immediately freaked out...no big surprise right?
I got on the phone and called Beau in tears. Of course he was on his way to Big Bear to fish the day away. I tried to act strong and begged him not to come home; I didn't want to take him away from such a special day. But being the great husband he is, he immediately turned around and was at our house within the next hour. As we both waited around to see what the day was going to turn into, my contractions didn't let up and eventually were happening every 11-12 minutes. This was pretty alarming for me because I usually didn't have such intense or frequently occurring contractions.
We eventually were asked to come in and see the doctor so he could check my cervix. While my cervix wasn't found to be dilated, he sure wasn't happy with the work I was taking on and the commute I was making to my Newport Beach office. He looked at Beau and me asking if I could stop working, and Beau ecstatically replied "YES"!!! While I wasn't as excited as my husband, I knew it was time to start acting pregnant.
So that is what I'm doing right now. Acting pregnant. Feet are up most of the day, trying to keep little Bella in for what the doctor is hoping...at least 1 1/2 more weeks. I also haven't worked out in 9 days...I think the last time I skipped a week of workouts was when I was in junior high.
Am I good at this bed rest thing? Heck NO! I even cheated the past two days and went into work...SHHH...don't tell my doctor. But all in all, I think I'm doing a good job of obeying the doctor's orders when you compare it to the pace I was traveling at earlier this month. It's truly not about me anymore...and I know it hasn't been about me for the past 9 months. I got to listen, and most importantly...I need to stop moving so little Bella can cook a bit longer. Bare with me ya'll...due to this new pace called bed rest....I might blog a bit more and I might sound a bit more crazy than I usually do. Not quite used to sitting.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Bittersweet
I usually start off my blogs with some kind of humor or significant growth that I'm experiencing. But today's blog is a bit different. I guess I'm reaching out, venting my emotions because I know keeping them in won't help me in the least.
As I sat in the doctor's office this morning, now in my 31st week of pregnancy, I found myself thinking of the baby we lost in late January of 2010. Thoughts spun around in my head of what s/he might be like, what s/he would be doing right now, and what I could be teaching her. These thoughts bring a certain level of sadness and I know it is probably just grief...which is tricky and seems to pop up at times when you least expect it.
In addition to sadness, I think I am experiencing a sort of fear, or guilt, that I'm forgetting this baby that miscarried. Now that most to all of my thoughts consist of Bella and getting ready for her April arrival, I feel as if I'm leaving behind this little child who was not meant to see the world. So maybe this is why I am blogging about our first child...capturing his or her memory in writing...
I am comforted however through all of this...Bella would not be growing in my tummy right now if this first child had made it throughout the pregnancy. And Beau and I wouldn't have gone through such a spiritual and emotional journey of growth...There are too many blessings that such sadness brought to our lives...too many to list here.
Overall, I'm just feeling a sense of heaviness today. I just looked out at the little fruit tree that Beau planted in our backyard in honor of this little fallen angel after the miscarriage happened. It still is quite little...dainty when compared to the other trees that surround it...but it is standing strong despite its size and continues to grow. Just like the little angel who only lived a few months, it serves a purpose and is powerful and loved despite its appearance.
As I sat in the doctor's office this morning, now in my 31st week of pregnancy, I found myself thinking of the baby we lost in late January of 2010. Thoughts spun around in my head of what s/he might be like, what s/he would be doing right now, and what I could be teaching her. These thoughts bring a certain level of sadness and I know it is probably just grief...which is tricky and seems to pop up at times when you least expect it.
In addition to sadness, I think I am experiencing a sort of fear, or guilt, that I'm forgetting this baby that miscarried. Now that most to all of my thoughts consist of Bella and getting ready for her April arrival, I feel as if I'm leaving behind this little child who was not meant to see the world. So maybe this is why I am blogging about our first child...capturing his or her memory in writing...
I am comforted however through all of this...Bella would not be growing in my tummy right now if this first child had made it throughout the pregnancy. And Beau and I wouldn't have gone through such a spiritual and emotional journey of growth...There are too many blessings that such sadness brought to our lives...too many to list here.
Overall, I'm just feeling a sense of heaviness today. I just looked out at the little fruit tree that Beau planted in our backyard in honor of this little fallen angel after the miscarriage happened. It still is quite little...dainty when compared to the other trees that surround it...but it is standing strong despite its size and continues to grow. Just like the little angel who only lived a few months, it serves a purpose and is powerful and loved despite its appearance.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Nesting mania
I'm realizing that there are many stages to pregnancy. It's almost as if you can experience an entire lifetime in this 9-month period. Initially you start out scared, completely dependent on anything but yourself. You don't know what to expect next and you can't quite get your feet under you. Then you start educating yourself and you gain some confidence. Throughout this journey, you are shedding off old parts of yourself, developing into a newer, more mature version of your once young self. By the time you enter the final months, you reflect back on what you have learned and realize that you are nothing like the person that started out on this scary adventure. Overall, I am really thankful for this process and praise God for molding me over the past 7 1/2 months. I'm feeling more and more ready for this process called motherhood.
Okay, now that I typed the positive stuff and have tried to acknowledge what I have gained so far...let me confess about this nesting mania that has taken over my life. Wow! They weren't kidding! As many of my closest friends and family know, I am not exactly an organized, neat individual. I tend to leave trails wherever I go and my car is usually weighed down by 100 pounds of leftover trash, books, makeup, etc. But something takes over you when you are approaching the final days and weeks of pregnancy. From a mental health standpoint, (sorry I had to go there), it is somewhat a sick form of obsessive compulsive disorder. A heightened neuroses...I have started making lists of everything I feel needs to be done before little Bella arrives. These lists drive me nuts and have resulted in hormonal meltdowns. Sorry Beau! Each room I walk into only makes the lists bigger as I see never-ending projects that I think need to be completed before her arrival. I've begun to keep a tidy kitchen, and I now know how to use the vaccuum cleaner! Lysol wipes give me more enjoyment than my iPhone. Disgusting huh?!? Amazing that I feel the need to clean and finish all these projects when Bella won't even know the difference when she arrives.
In addition to nesting mania, I'm struggling with the lack of independence that this pregnancy has created. When my doctor told me to not lift over 20 pounds and stop exercising as much as I have been, a large piece of me has been put to rest! Ha! You see, I've always been the strong girl, the one girl who people don't seem to go out of their way to assist. My husband knows this best; we literally have never hired movers to help us. He knows that I can hang! But now, this weird phenomena has taken over where people all around me rush to open doors, lift something for me, and help me get up off the couch! It is really odd! Well I guess I should savor it, because it is all going to end in about 10 weeks.
Alrighty, overall, I love the growth and what I'm experiencing. Yes, I continue to struggle, but I am very grateful for all the difficulties as well. I do feel the growing pains...yep...I'm growing up. It is nice. I want to be as ready as I can be for this little girl. Can't wait to meet her.
Okay, now that I typed the positive stuff and have tried to acknowledge what I have gained so far...let me confess about this nesting mania that has taken over my life. Wow! They weren't kidding! As many of my closest friends and family know, I am not exactly an organized, neat individual. I tend to leave trails wherever I go and my car is usually weighed down by 100 pounds of leftover trash, books, makeup, etc. But something takes over you when you are approaching the final days and weeks of pregnancy. From a mental health standpoint, (sorry I had to go there), it is somewhat a sick form of obsessive compulsive disorder. A heightened neuroses...I have started making lists of everything I feel needs to be done before little Bella arrives. These lists drive me nuts and have resulted in hormonal meltdowns. Sorry Beau! Each room I walk into only makes the lists bigger as I see never-ending projects that I think need to be completed before her arrival. I've begun to keep a tidy kitchen, and I now know how to use the vaccuum cleaner! Lysol wipes give me more enjoyment than my iPhone. Disgusting huh?!? Amazing that I feel the need to clean and finish all these projects when Bella won't even know the difference when she arrives.
In addition to nesting mania, I'm struggling with the lack of independence that this pregnancy has created. When my doctor told me to not lift over 20 pounds and stop exercising as much as I have been, a large piece of me has been put to rest! Ha! You see, I've always been the strong girl, the one girl who people don't seem to go out of their way to assist. My husband knows this best; we literally have never hired movers to help us. He knows that I can hang! But now, this weird phenomena has taken over where people all around me rush to open doors, lift something for me, and help me get up off the couch! It is really odd! Well I guess I should savor it, because it is all going to end in about 10 weeks.
Alrighty, overall, I love the growth and what I'm experiencing. Yes, I continue to struggle, but I am very grateful for all the difficulties as well. I do feel the growing pains...yep...I'm growing up. It is nice. I want to be as ready as I can be for this little girl. Can't wait to meet her.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
What the heck is a boppy?
Baby's R Us tried to kill me last week, but I survived somehow. Thank God that one of my best friends, Jen Major, helped me get out of the store in one piece.
Baby registration is an insane process for someone like me. You know, the first-time-mommie who really has had minimal to no experience with babies. To be honest, I wasn't excited at all to enter the store and attack my baby registration. But once again, Jen came through; she bribed me with Starbuck's and promised me the process would be painless! So dragging my feet, Starbuck's in hand, I entered the store and sat down with her at the registration booth. We ended up getting to speak with one of the quickest speaking associates ever. Wow! Didn't she understand that I had no idea what I was doing?!? Why'd she have to speak so fast? So as she explained the scanner process and checklist, I didn't understand one word and prayed that I could just depend on Jen's experience with this monsterous task.
She then handed me the "gun" and we started on aisle 1. Praise God again, that Jen is a teacher...she handled each item and question with such ease and patience. She told me about different bottles, teething aids, first aid gear, breast pumps, and BOPPYS. Yep! I had no idea what a boppy was, but Jen taught me about this too. She masterfully kept me motivated and got me through each aisle. Despite the fact that she is 7 months pregnant, she ripped down strollers for us to test and only once knocked over an aisle! Ha!
Unfortunately as we thought we had finished the grueling task of baby registration, (honest to God, at 6 months pregnancy, it felt like completing a marathon), it was revealed to me that none of the items that were low inventory at the store had scanned. I then realized that I should have asked the associate we met at the beginning to slow down her rate of speech as she was explaining the scanning process to us. Ugh! I also realized that my husband is always right...especially when he says that I "need to pay better attention."
As my hormones were raging especially at that moment, as I realized that we would have to go through the entire store again to see what items were not scanned, I knew I was about to have a meltdown. Yep! A good ol' adult-sized temper tantrum pregnancy style! Fortunately for me, just in case I hadn't said it before, Jen, the ultimate teacher was with me and reassured me that we could go through the entire process again and SURVIVE!
So we did, and about 3 1/2 hours later, we left the store having registered for boppy's, diapers, and many other items that I still have no clue what they are used for.
The ultimate lesson to be learned here...don't...I repeat...don't enter Baby's R Us alone unless you are experienced and a bit more stable than myself! Thanks again Jen...you saved me from that insane store. You are incredibly appreciated.
Baby registration is an insane process for someone like me. You know, the first-time-mommie who really has had minimal to no experience with babies. To be honest, I wasn't excited at all to enter the store and attack my baby registration. But once again, Jen came through; she bribed me with Starbuck's and promised me the process would be painless! So dragging my feet, Starbuck's in hand, I entered the store and sat down with her at the registration booth. We ended up getting to speak with one of the quickest speaking associates ever. Wow! Didn't she understand that I had no idea what I was doing?!? Why'd she have to speak so fast? So as she explained the scanner process and checklist, I didn't understand one word and prayed that I could just depend on Jen's experience with this monsterous task.
She then handed me the "gun" and we started on aisle 1. Praise God again, that Jen is a teacher...she handled each item and question with such ease and patience. She told me about different bottles, teething aids, first aid gear, breast pumps, and BOPPYS. Yep! I had no idea what a boppy was, but Jen taught me about this too. She masterfully kept me motivated and got me through each aisle. Despite the fact that she is 7 months pregnant, she ripped down strollers for us to test and only once knocked over an aisle! Ha!
Unfortunately as we thought we had finished the grueling task of baby registration, (honest to God, at 6 months pregnancy, it felt like completing a marathon), it was revealed to me that none of the items that were low inventory at the store had scanned. I then realized that I should have asked the associate we met at the beginning to slow down her rate of speech as she was explaining the scanning process to us. Ugh! I also realized that my husband is always right...especially when he says that I "need to pay better attention."
As my hormones were raging especially at that moment, as I realized that we would have to go through the entire store again to see what items were not scanned, I knew I was about to have a meltdown. Yep! A good ol' adult-sized temper tantrum pregnancy style! Fortunately for me, just in case I hadn't said it before, Jen, the ultimate teacher was with me and reassured me that we could go through the entire process again and SURVIVE!
So we did, and about 3 1/2 hours later, we left the store having registered for boppy's, diapers, and many other items that I still have no clue what they are used for.
The ultimate lesson to be learned here...don't...I repeat...don't enter Baby's R Us alone unless you are experienced and a bit more stable than myself! Thanks again Jen...you saved me from that insane store. You are incredibly appreciated.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Got to PEE!!!
Hey everyone,
I know it has been about a month since my last post, so I figured, since I woke up about four times last night, that I should just give up on trying to sleep and update my blog! So here I am, typing away, attempting to give an update on what it feels like for me to be in the middle of my 22nd week of pregnancy.
Belly update: Yep, it has finally arrived! No, it is not quite like the cute, little basketball-type I always envisioned, but it is almost there. I haven't quite revealed that I'm pregnant to my therapy clients yet, so I've become extremely creative in hiding my expanding waistline through blousy tops, tunics, etc. However, once I get home, I have to admit that it has been fun to wear some tighter tops to show off the new edition! As many of you moms know, there is this weird in-between period where you either wear looser tops to hide the belly that looks like a beer-gut or you wear normal, fitted attire to show off what actually portrays a pregnant belly. I think I'm entering the latter stage, maybe in the next few weeks!
Name update: Well after several months of debating and minor arguments, Beau and I have come up with a name! You would think marrying your sweetheart/soul-mate would lead to a more-than-easy naming process. Nope! I think we disagreed on almost every name we came up with. There were many days where I'd come home from a long day of work, speeding home, so I could share the name I brilliantly came up with...to only be met with a look/statement such as "What the heck are you thinking trying to name our child with a name like that???". Thank God after it was revealed to us that we were having a girl about a month ago, half of our naming dilemma was completed for us. During the same night the ultrasound showed "It's a girl" we had come up with our sweet little angel's name. Bella. Bella Sky Rummel.
To be perfectly honest, I think it is a perfect name. "Beautiful Sky." Beau and me fell in love over sunsets and shared our first date with a beautiful sunset over the Pacific Ocean in San Diego. What could be better than capturing this special moment in our first child's name!
Body/general issues related to pregnancy: The 2nd trimester rocks! I really love not throwing up or struggling with nausea throughout the day. While the fatigue is never-ending, I don't mind it and usually am able to take a nap when needed. However, the peeing, UGH! Especially on nights like the one we just had and having to run down the longest bedroom hallway known to man to get to the toilet...painful. I am about to resort to a bedpan...no...just kidding...just sounds very appealing after last night. I'm getting awfully excited about my upcoming baby shower as planning has begun and I've only freaked out a handful of times as I start thinking about the baby registry. Thank God for best buds who have been through this process...because I know I won't be dragging my hubby into these stores.
Summary: Overall, I love being pregnant. I'm so content and filled with joy that God blessed us with this little girl for Christmas...so much so...that I don't need any gifts this holiday. I think I was given the best one possible.
I know it has been about a month since my last post, so I figured, since I woke up about four times last night, that I should just give up on trying to sleep and update my blog! So here I am, typing away, attempting to give an update on what it feels like for me to be in the middle of my 22nd week of pregnancy.
Belly update: Yep, it has finally arrived! No, it is not quite like the cute, little basketball-type I always envisioned, but it is almost there. I haven't quite revealed that I'm pregnant to my therapy clients yet, so I've become extremely creative in hiding my expanding waistline through blousy tops, tunics, etc. However, once I get home, I have to admit that it has been fun to wear some tighter tops to show off the new edition! As many of you moms know, there is this weird in-between period where you either wear looser tops to hide the belly that looks like a beer-gut or you wear normal, fitted attire to show off what actually portrays a pregnant belly. I think I'm entering the latter stage, maybe in the next few weeks!
Name update: Well after several months of debating and minor arguments, Beau and I have come up with a name! You would think marrying your sweetheart/soul-mate would lead to a more-than-easy naming process. Nope! I think we disagreed on almost every name we came up with. There were many days where I'd come home from a long day of work, speeding home, so I could share the name I brilliantly came up with...to only be met with a look/statement such as "What the heck are you thinking trying to name our child with a name like that???". Thank God after it was revealed to us that we were having a girl about a month ago, half of our naming dilemma was completed for us. During the same night the ultrasound showed "It's a girl" we had come up with our sweet little angel's name. Bella. Bella Sky Rummel.
To be perfectly honest, I think it is a perfect name. "Beautiful Sky." Beau and me fell in love over sunsets and shared our first date with a beautiful sunset over the Pacific Ocean in San Diego. What could be better than capturing this special moment in our first child's name!
Body/general issues related to pregnancy: The 2nd trimester rocks! I really love not throwing up or struggling with nausea throughout the day. While the fatigue is never-ending, I don't mind it and usually am able to take a nap when needed. However, the peeing, UGH! Especially on nights like the one we just had and having to run down the longest bedroom hallway known to man to get to the toilet...painful. I am about to resort to a bedpan...no...just kidding...just sounds very appealing after last night. I'm getting awfully excited about my upcoming baby shower as planning has begun and I've only freaked out a handful of times as I start thinking about the baby registry. Thank God for best buds who have been through this process...because I know I won't be dragging my hubby into these stores.
Summary: Overall, I love being pregnant. I'm so content and filled with joy that God blessed us with this little girl for Christmas...so much so...that I don't need any gifts this holiday. I think I was given the best one possible.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
It's a girl!
Last Saturday Beau and I took a trip to the "See me now mommy" ultrasound clinic to find out the sex of our baby. Prior to the appointment, I was definitely feeling quite nervous and restless. It first started with a nightmare that I was having a boy! Ha! Yep...I said nightmare. Not sure why it was so scary to find out we were having a boy, but I sure woke up terrified at the news my dream revealed to me. I also found that the hours that led up to my afternoon appointment crawled at a pace much slower than how my grandmother drives. Ugh! It felt like we missed every green light as we were driving to the appointment and happened to get behind every "poker/Sunday afternoon stroller" driver in the whole wide world. Yep... I was definitely being impatient. Blame it on the hormones!
Well we FINALLY made it to our appointment with my best bud Monique alongside us. The ultrasound started and after about 5-10 minutes of baby Rummel stubbornly crossing its legs and kicking in every direction that it wasn't supposed to, the lovely ultrasound tech asked if we wanted to know the sex. Um...YES! Of course we wanted to know the sex. She then started to reveal her answer and as she formulated each word in the sentence to come, I could feel my pulse begin to race in such a way that I felt as if my heart was going to burst right out of my chest. And then the answer we were waiting for came...LOOKS LIKE YOU ARE HAVING A GIRL!
A girl! A girl! No way! That is what I thought...honestly...I asked God at that moment, "How could I deserve a girl?" "How could I possibly get to have a girl?" "How could I be so blessed to get what I wanted?" Then God answered by giving me such a peace at that moment I asked those silly questions. And truly I believe He answered by letting me know we were having a girl as a symbol that He is in total control and is blessing us during this journey since our miscarriage in January. All in all, I truly felt like we lost a girl during that miscarriage...I truly feel like God let me know that at that moment. It gave me a real peace and a sense of closure from the immense grief of January's loss.
The lesson I have learned and am continuing to learn is that we don't always understand why God allows us to fall and cry...bleed and hurt. January's miscarriage didn't make any sense at the time. However, through every trial, there is a blessing and revelation around the corner that God has in store for all of us. I encourage you, my friends, to hang on through the storm, because what awaits is so much greater than anything you can imagine.
Back to the ultrasound...
After we were told what we were having, I really don't remember anything else that happened during the ultrasound. I just hugged my husband when it was all done and felt very blessed, happy and excited for what was to come.
Well we FINALLY made it to our appointment with my best bud Monique alongside us. The ultrasound started and after about 5-10 minutes of baby Rummel stubbornly crossing its legs and kicking in every direction that it wasn't supposed to, the lovely ultrasound tech asked if we wanted to know the sex. Um...YES! Of course we wanted to know the sex. She then started to reveal her answer and as she formulated each word in the sentence to come, I could feel my pulse begin to race in such a way that I felt as if my heart was going to burst right out of my chest. And then the answer we were waiting for came...LOOKS LIKE YOU ARE HAVING A GIRL!
A girl! A girl! No way! That is what I thought...honestly...I asked God at that moment, "How could I deserve a girl?" "How could I possibly get to have a girl?" "How could I be so blessed to get what I wanted?" Then God answered by giving me such a peace at that moment I asked those silly questions. And truly I believe He answered by letting me know we were having a girl as a symbol that He is in total control and is blessing us during this journey since our miscarriage in January. All in all, I truly felt like we lost a girl during that miscarriage...I truly feel like God let me know that at that moment. It gave me a real peace and a sense of closure from the immense grief of January's loss.
The lesson I have learned and am continuing to learn is that we don't always understand why God allows us to fall and cry...bleed and hurt. January's miscarriage didn't make any sense at the time. However, through every trial, there is a blessing and revelation around the corner that God has in store for all of us. I encourage you, my friends, to hang on through the storm, because what awaits is so much greater than anything you can imagine.
Back to the ultrasound...
After we were told what we were having, I really don't remember anything else that happened during the ultrasound. I just hugged my husband when it was all done and felt very blessed, happy and excited for what was to come.
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